


Strange Enough

by Aeradae



Series: Cullistair One-shots [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ending Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeradae/pseuds/Aeradae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Modern AU] Sometimes things must come to an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Enough

“You’re actually doing it.”

It was spoken as a casual statement, but Cullen could hear the questioning note, the hint of disbelief, that crept into Alistair’s voice.

For a moment Alistair stood frozen in the doorway of the master bedroom, having stumbled across a scene he obviously hadn’t expected: Cullen packing up his belongings in preparation to leave, just as he had said he would earlier that afternoon. Alistair crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his shoulder against the dark wood of the frame. The light of the hallway was blocked by the bulk of his body, conveniently casting his face in shadow and hiding his expression.

Cullen silently cursed his luck. He had hoped Alistair would take his time returning home.

He didn’t have to see Alistair’s face to know he was frowning. For a few silent moments he refused to look up, his attention riveted on the large suitcase that lay open on the bed. Neatly folded clothing carefully organized by type filled three quarters of the case. Toiletries, accessories, an extra pair of shoes, and a few books took up the remaining space. Anything important that was accidentally left behind could be retrieved at a later date.

They had gotten into a huge fight once again that afternoon over something so small, so insanely trivial, that Cullen couldn’t even remember it. In the aftermath Alistair had left the apartment for a while, as was the norm when they argued. He usually took a walk down to the beach or along the boardwalk to calm down and clear his head, at the same time giving Cullen some space to do the same.

Alistair had taken a great number of walks lately.

With a heavy sigh Cullen finally raised his head, his amber eyes glancing toward the figure in the doorway. “Did you think I was bluffing?” His voice was soft and carefully devoid of emotion.

The anger had faded away hours earlier, shortly after their fight. In its place weariness had settled heavily around his body and weighed painfully on his heart. It was too exhausting to continue being angry. It didn’t even really matter what they had fought about to begin with; in fact, Cullen hardly remembered himself.

Their arguments had started blending together in an incoherent tangle of raised voices and biting words. Small things that had been but minor annoyances in the past now became poorly justified excuses to descend into a fit of rage and wild accusations. Hurtful words spoken hastily in anger now began to replace the tender ones that had once been more frequently uttered.

Cullen didn’t want to talk anymore. Instead of helping the situation, trading words had only gotten them into a deeper mess. He just wanted it all to end.

“Honestly… yes,” came Alistair’s quiet response.  

Finally Alistair moved forward into the dimmed lighting of the bedroom and allowed Cullen to see his face. The smile that always seemed to spread from ear to ear was missing now, replaced with a downturned mouth that spoke of sadness and pain. It was an uncharacteristic of Alistair to wear such an expression.

Cullen found that he missed Alistair’s ever-present grin. It was a cherished relic from their past, from a time when they had spent most of their moments together between the sheets proclaiming their love in both word and gesture. They had been young and naive back then. Anything had been possible. They had come from different worlds, but were confident they could get through anything that tried to stand in their way.

For a while, they had beaten the odds. They had been happy. Until one day when everything they had built together began to fall away, started to crumble beneath their feet. Cullen had never figured out what started them down this dark path, but their relationship had never fully recovered from it.

They had started this downward spiral six months ago; it felt like years had passed.

As he opened his mouth to speak, Alistair suddenly thought better of it. Cullen could hear his teeth clacking together loudly as he bit back the words. He suspected Alistair had been about to attempt a joke to try and ease some of the tension in the air, and had to suppress an irritated sigh. Cullen wished something as simple as a joke could fix everything that was wrong.

Cullen was suddenly unbearably tired. “I just… Alistair, I can’t.” He looked down at his hands where they rested on the top layer of clothes in the suitcase, surprised to notice they were trembling. He clenched them into tight fists, fingernails digging into his palms. “I can’t do this anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath. “I won’t.”

Alistair ventured a few steps further into the room. “We can work this out, Cullen. We always do.” His eyes were wide and pleading, his hands outstretched toward Cullen.

Cullen almost pitied Alistair’s grandiose attempt at ignoring the vast chasm that had opened between them. The spark that had ignited their relationship, the magic that had held them together, had all but faded away. It would be cruel to continue on like this. It had to end.

Cullen only wished that Alistair could see it as starkly as he did.

“Do we?” Cullen asked skeptically, arching an eyebrow. The scarred side of his lip lifted slightly in a mockery of amusement. “Why do you think we end up here, over and over again? Somewhere along the way we started to drift apart, and I no longer believe our relationship can be repaired.”

“If we just sit down and talk about it-”

“All we’ve ever done is talk about it!” Cullen interrupted sharply, the anger reigniting in his chest once more. “Discussions are worthless if nothing is ever done about the problem. _Nothing_ has changed, why can’t you see that?”

Alistair took a step back, surprised at Cullen’s sudden vehemence. “Why are you being like this, Cullen? This isn’t like you.”

Cullen huffed a dry laugh. “I don't think I've been ‘me’ for quite some time now, Alistair. If you are only noticing this now, things are even worse than I thought.”

“I’m not sure what you were expecting, Cullen. We always knew that our relationship wasn’t going to be easy.”

“I never expected us to be perfect, but come on...” Cullen gestured between them, at the tension in the air, so thick it was nearly visible. “Is what we think we have really worth all this?”

“It is to me,” Alistair replied softly, staring down at the hardwood planks beneath his bare feet.

“And that is why I have to leave. You’ve delved so far into denial that either you cannot see what’s wrong anymore or just refuse to acknowledge it.”

Alistair threw his hands out in bewilderment. “I’m in denial because I still have faith that things can change? That things can get better?” His voice cracked pitifully at the end of his sentence.

“Nothing has happened at all in all the months we’ve vowed to make changes, and I don’t think that they ever will,” Cullen replied sadly.

“Cullen, please. Don’t leave,” Alistair begged.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Cullen had to work to keep his voice level. “I have to, Alistair, don’t you see? This is what is best for both of us.”

Alistair shook his head earnestly. “You don’t have to go anywhere just yet. I’ll just go for another walk so we can both calm down.” He fumbled with the buttons of his jacket.

“Alistair--” Cullen tried to protest, but Alistair continued to speak over him.

“When I come back we can discuss everything, and maybe go out for dinner or call a delivery place after.” Alistair was nearly frantic now, desperate to find a way to convince Cullen to stay.

As Cullen listened to Alistair stumble over his words, it only made his heart break further. Alistair couldn’t seem to understand why Cullen was leaving, and that knowledge was like a dagger between Cullen’s ribs. Perhaps he never would. Nothing else mattered to Alistair but keeping them together, even if it wasn’t what Cullen wanted anymore.

Cullen had to swallow back the sudden lump in his throat. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” he croaked.

Alistair’s pleas were starting to wear Cullen down. He knew that if he stayed in the apartment for much longer he would give in, would agree to give the relationship another try as he had done countless times before. The two of them would go back to their regular lives for a time, and everything would be fine until the inevitable next fight. It would be a vicious cycle that would never end. He couldn’t let that happen. Not anymore.

Cullen closed the suitcase lid and zipped up all the pockets. He took a final look around the room, a quick glance to see if he had neglected to pack anything important. Taking a deep breath to try and slow the frantic pounding of his heart, he set the suitcase on the floor and popped the handle up. It was time to go.

Alistair moved to grab Cullen’s arm, to stop him, but Cullen pulled away with downcast eyes. With a look of defeat, Alistair took a step back and took in a shaky breath, tucking his hands in his armpits and chewing at his lower lip. He started at the hardwood floor at his feet as he took deep breaths and blinked furiously.

Cullen’s heart twisted painfully. Alistair only bit at his lip when he was incredibly upset and fighting back tears. Cullen hadn’t wished to be cruel, hadn’t intended to end it like this, but he knew if Alistair got close enough with those sad eyes and trembling lips that he would cave. He couldn’t let himself do that again. It wasn’t fair to either of them. He had to be strong, no matter how much it hurt.

Alistair turned his back to look anywhere but in Cullen’s direction as passed, only inches away. But Cullen could almost feel Alistair’s eyes burning into his back as he walked down the hallway. He couldn’t bring himself to look back, not even as he reached the front entrance.

The sound of the door closing echoed hollowly in the silent apartment, its lone occupant too shocked to make a sound.

It was over.


End file.
